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Happy Holidays

December 16, 2009

I’ll miss you forever, originally uploaded by cHeLa.B..

It’s December. It’s been almost one year since I created Bitter Round Dish and admittedly, I haven’t been a very good mother. But it’s December—the perfect time for reflecting and perhaps atoning and while I may have been M.I.A. in the past year, this space hasn’t been. She’s been waiting here patiently, knowing that there would yet again come a time when I felt the urge to contemplate and communicate quietly.

2009 has been a wonderful and melancholy year for me. I turned 23 this year, wide-eyed (and let’s face it, with these ojos there isn’t much that I can do that isn’t wide-eyed) and fresh-faced (this was the magical year that everyone promised me would come, the year that my  hormones calmed down)  I vowed to myself that 23 would, had to, be better than 22. Low and behold it truly has been.

Ethan, that sweet and patient man o’ mine, and I celebrated our third anniversary. That’s just a drop in the bucket to many out there, but there were definitely some times this year when I didn’t think we’d even get to add that drop.

I’ve discovered my calling and in the process made a new and dear friend. How many people ever get to say that?

I’ve been mindful.

If not here, I’ve been mindful in daily life.  I’ve baked. I’ve tackled Japanese cooking and administrative assistant-ing. I’ve re-discovered how to share my time and self with everyone who loves me and I lost the person who loved me most in the world.

Perhaps in the coming year, I will be a better blogger. More dedicated and concentrated. Perhaps not, though. I do know that I will learn how to use my sewing machine and I will make things. I will travel. I will smile more. I will be more lighthearted. I will continue to be mindful.

But that kind of thinking is for January, right now it’s still the month that I love- December. I love the holidays, the lights, and the movies (we watched White Christmas last night, and I could only have been happier if I were seven-years old at Grandma’s house again). I love the food, the smells, and the craze. I love my Christmas tree and I love presents!

I love the lists I write, and re-write, and re-write again—as well as the plans, the schedules, and the ideas that never quite make it into reality (maybe we’ll have our Snuggie™-clad Christmas photo next year…). I love the panic I start to feel about now over whether or not I remembered everyone and whether or not I’ll finish the 11 loaves of bread I’ve still got to make—did I mention I’ve never made homemade bread before? I’ve got just  about as many tins of Russian tea cakes to bake (never made those before either…) and  I’ve got cards to write, and last-minute presents to pick up. And yet, here I am, happily wishing everyone their own Happy (wonderfully disorderedHolidays.

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